She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
