Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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