i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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