I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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