your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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