PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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