You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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