Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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