Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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