Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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