Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
