Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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