We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
