I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
