I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize