After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
