No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
its not stalking. its research.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
