dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
