i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
