You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
