Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
