Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Blood and glitter go together right?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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