Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
