hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
