If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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