my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I stole a fireplace last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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