My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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