There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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