I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
