I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
