he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
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doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
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Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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