u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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