is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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