Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize