My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
