woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
