i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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