I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize