I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
