Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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