Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
