I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
