If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
When did angry sex become our thing?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
