honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
