I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
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The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
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Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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