.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
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Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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