I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
