This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
