Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
