he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
