I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
