the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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