I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You pole danced in your parka.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
