mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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