What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
