She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
