M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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