I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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